Well, it finally happened. Britney spears, sporting a buzz cut under a hooded sweatshirt, showed up at a tattoo parlor in the San Fernando Valley (epicenter of the porn industry) on Friday night. The tattoo she chose, apparently, is a small pair of pink and red lips. That'll go nicely with the star on her hand. Looks like she's just a short shot away from cult membership or wearing a toga and handing out flowers in the airport.The slippery slope that lead to this implosion started with her Federlinization. I have long joked that I was going to carry a pointy rock in my handbag with "K-Fed" written on it, so in case I ever saw him, I'd have something to throw at his head. But then that would be caring too much. Even so, the dude is all the least desirable qualities of the male gender distilled into one huge walking douchebag. A lazy, unwashed moocher whose hobby is fathering children when he's not exploiting Britney's success. Well, duh.
The thing that disturbs me is that his DNA is spreading unchecked into the general population. The thought of a Federline descendant one day becoming governor of California or, god forbid, my gynecologist, is just too much to bear. Federlines multiplying like Agent Smith in The Matrix. Federlines bringing your mail, delivering your dry cleaning, or taking your ticket at the movie theater. I'm giving myself fodder for more than one nightmare here. Since castration on general principle is illegal, ladies, I implore you, do not Federlinize yourselves. Say No! to breeding with the K-Feds of this world and keep the future safe for all of us. Otherwise, you may end up with a freshly-shaved head getting a regrettable tattoo in the porn capital of the US.
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