Public Service Announcement: Valentine's Gifts to Avoid

For all the men out there who are searching for a special Valentine's Day gift for your girls - this is not the answer.This model, "Loverboy", is one of the many options waiting for you at the Vermont Teddy Bear Company. I've logged some quality hours in front of the TV this afternoon, and have seen no less than seven of this company's ads. They're particularly annoying because they feature cooey, girly, high-pitched women gushing over one's surprise teddy bear gift in an office setting while all the men who didn't boy bears for their ladies cower in their cubicles. They women are amazed at how it's "oooh, so much bigger than I expected." Seriously. The thing stands 15 inches tall, and costs upwards of $70. The "Red Hot Redneck" bear is $90. Damn, fellas. Take your woman out for a nice dinner (or at least to White Castle) and spring for a good bottle of wine instead of buying one of these stupidly dressed hairballs. It'll make you look like a thoughtless douchebag because you ordered it off the TV...unless she collects teddy bears, and then you have other things to worry about. I'm sure her 22lb cat, Furchild, will love it.

Another no-no is PajamaGram. They're competing with the bears for every available second of TV advertising today. Again, it's an overpriced, last-minute gift that will likely make you look like a inconsiderate douche. They even have a category for "No Brainer Gift Sets". For just $95, you can get a red velour tank top and pants (which cost about $22 at Old Navy), with two cinnamon-scented votive candles. Oh, and some soap. A bargain if I've ever seen one. Everyone woman needs more soap and candles. But to make it extra-special, it comes packed in a hatbox with a "Do Not Disturb" sign and a gift card. They'll probably even type your name in there for you.

A word to the wise...if you want to make your girl feel special, get reservations at a nice, intimate French restaurant, choose a good bottle of Boredeaux and make her feel beautiful. It doesn't take much. And uh, once you get home and things start heating up, throw down in the sack like it's your job. That means the full works, fellas. She'll love you for it.