The ads on the subways here pitch anything and everything, from cheap, quickie divorces to surgery for hammer toe correction. Among the ubiquitous liquor posters and promos for technical colleges, commuters can find their morning dose of good old-fashioned bible talkers. Chief among these is one Dr. Creflo A. Dollar of the World Changers Church International. That has got to be the most perfect name for someone in the evangelical sales business.
The ever-curious Karma Cycle took a look into Dr. Dollar, whose message combines your standard Christian buzzwording with the added bonus of relieving his followers of personal responsibility for their own prosperity. The "God will work it out" school of life management. Today's message is "How to get angels to work for you". This practical advice outlines "six steps to activating angelic protection", available through purchase only. My theory is that this works like a clogged drain. You pour your big bottle of extra-strength angelic protection down the drainpipe of your life, wait fifteen minutes and flush the sex, drugs and rock-and-roll away with hot water. That's not what I need. I'm more interested in how to get angels to do real work for me. At the moment, my laundry needs done and my tub could use a good scrubbing. Pray tell me, Dr. Dollar, how do I get the angels to get busy on that?
For the nominal fee of $4, you can get your very own copy of the six steps. I, of course, am too cheap to bite that bait, and have a strict policy against giving money to proselytizers. In fact, most of Dr. Dollar's messages come in easily-digestible, numbered step format, and are not too expensive as far as quality, feasible life advice is concerned. So if you are tired of being responsible for your own bizness, send your dollars to Dollar, and he'll give you a bullet-pointed list that no doubt includes lots and lots of praying. The best part? His wife's name is Taffi. That's right, Creflo and Taffi Dollar. Jim and Tammy Fay ain't got nothin' on them.
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Well, darlin', I totally see your point on not giving money to proselytizers. As soon as I figured out that the Salvation Army was a Christian group (That was college, mind you. How sad!), I stopped dropping my quarters into their little red buckets.
At any rate, if you want some good clean fun, a chance to really cleanse yourself of all that sex, drugs and rock 'n roll, you should try Wash Away Your Sins Bubble Bath. A friend got it for me once. It has a "tempting 'do-it-again' scent" and promises to "remove stubborn guilt" and "redeem sinners the easy way." It is one hell of a bath and a much better way to spend your four dollars. But that's just the opinion of this humble sinner.
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